✨ We Grew Up Apart. But Look at Us Now.

This week, we are spending time with my brother’s family. Paternal side. Younger brother. Cool like our dad and made of all the goodness of the universe. He’s a spectacular human and yes, I am biased.

We didn’t grow up together.

My brother and I were raised in different families—born into different homes, surrounded by different versions of our shared bloodline. I was adopted. My father didn’t know about me. He grew up in a house and a family I never knew. But I am catching up.

Somehow, even without a shared childhood, we’re finding one another now—not as kids, but as grownups choosing connection. Bonding our families.

And the connection? It's real.

We both love games. He actually works in the gaming industry, and I find myself wanting to ask him about all the games—like I’m an eager younger sister trying to keep up rather than the nine years older sister I am. If we were without distraction, I’d beg for a full game marathon. The shared love of gaming feels like finding an unexpected thread between us—like the universe left me a note saying, “You two would’ve loved growing up together.”

Instead, we get this version of each other:
No rivalry.
No competition for attention from tired parents.
Just friendship.
Just family.
Just now.

Reflected in the Kids

We took all the kids bowling this week, hoping to create a sweet memory. They get to play together and it’s healing the parts of me that didn’t get to have him growing up.

While the idea was good… the reality was chaos. Everyone took turns crying and bowling and crying again.
It was funny. It was frustrating. It was parenting.

But through it all, the cousin love shone through. They teased each other. Took turns. Reconnected like no time had passed. The way cousins do when love is bigger than meltdowns.

And my brother and I just looked at each other and smiled. Exhausted, amused, and totally on the same page. I named the day ‘Cranky Bowling’ and it will live in the family memory.

The Mirror Moments

One afternoon, I caught him sitting with his hands clasped behind his head—exactly the way I was sitting. One of his kids sat the same way too.

Small moment. Big impact.

We didn’t grow up side-by-side, but somehow there are these echoes, these mirror flashes that remind me: even without shared history, there’s shared essence. We’re of the same stuff.

The Parenting We’re Offering Now

Watching him and his wife parent their kids has been a full-body heart moment. They are gentle. Present. Motivated to raise emotionally healthy, self-aware humans. There’s validation. Honesty. Flexibility. Love.

They’re the kind of parents I wish we all had. (Love all the parents - they did the best they could with what they had, but these two break the absolute parenting mold)
And I mean that with every cell of me.

His wife—my sister-in-law—feels like a true sister. She, like a few of my other sister-in-laws, loves me like I did grow up in the middle of this family. Like I was always here.

And now I get to be.

I get to watch our kids play in chalk-covered driveways, send silly cousin videos, cry and laugh and cry again in the same afternoon.
I get to draw family names in the sand with full knowledge of my myriad family and see my eldest fold her best friend into the family like she was born to be there.
I get to hold all of this—the missed time, the present joy, the ache and the gift.

What We’re Giving Them

Our kids get us—present, cycle-breaking, conscious.
They get parents who value feelings and offer repair. Who apologize and try and try and try again.
Parents who show up for hard conversations and playful memories.
Parents who work hard at joy and wholeness.

We didn’t grow up together, but we are growing something together now.
And watching it unfold is healing more than I ever expected.

—Charlynn